


In Which Taako Overreacts

by ruffboi



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/M, Sort of? - Freeform, also content warning: unseasoned chicken, vague reference to puppy play?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 16:30:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11993610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruffboi/pseuds/ruffboi
Summary: There are a number of things Taako's seen that he really really regrets.  The new top of his list?  MagnusfuckingBurnsides wearing afuckingdog collar.Or, in which Taako overreacts to accidentally learning about his fellow crew members' sex lives.





	In Which Taako Overreacts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [taibhsearachd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taibhsearachd/gifts).



There are a number of things Taako's seen that he really really regrets.  The Hunger destroying their home.  Death and destruction left in their wake.  Unseasoned chicken.  Barry in a speedo.

The new top of his list?  Magnus _fucking_ Burnsides wearing a _fucking_ dog collar.

"Nope," he says when Magnus sits down with his share of pancakes from the stacks Taako had left in the warm oven, the blue of the dyed leather collar catching Taako's eye immediately.  "Nope nope nope.  Nopeski, I'm out, Taako's good _anywhere but here_.  Abso _lutely_ not."

"Uh…" Magnus blinks sleepily at him.  "You okay?"

"Do I fucking _look_ okay, Mr. 'wears his weird kinky sex toys to the breakfast table'?" Taako asks.  Magnus, to his credit, has the decency to flush a bright, embarrassed red when he realizes what Taako's talking about, one hand flying up to his neck.  " _Yeah_. Congratulations, you absolute _dickwipe_ , I now have a new number one most traumatic visual on my list.  Unseasoned chicken being served like it's a fucking meal is _no longer_ the worst thing I've ever seen, because I've seen evidence of what you and the bookworm get up to in private."

He's pushed himself up to his feet at some point without really noticing, and paces across the dining room.  

"Thank you for that mental scarring, Maggie.  I really really needed that.  I'd call you a bad boy but _I don't want to know if you'd enjoy it_!"

"Uh," Magnus says, and Taako silences him with a gesture. 

"No," he says.  "I refuse.  You put those back," he points at the pancakes, "and _take that thing off_ and also don't talk to me for the next _week_."  He stalks out, unable to continue being in the room with Magnus.

Just before he gets out of earshot, he hears Magnus mournfully say, "I just wanted pancakes…"

**Author's Note:**

> I BLAME THE WDA CHAT AND ALSO MY WIFE. But I was convinced to post it because she laughed so very very hard when I shared it to her.


End file.
